the need to stop

Church. it's something that is so twisted. Somehow we got this idea that church is a place where we are suppose to be quiet, listen to some boring pastor, and sing some cheesy jesus music. it's a place where the goody-goodies go. it's a place where you try to look good. you don't want people to think you have any problems.

that's not what i want and that's not what is going to help me get closer to God. I don't believe that what he intended either.

What i want from church might be the wrong way about it.. it's selfish. but i know that there are people who need something different. they need it.

Imagine just meeting with some friends every week or w/e you planned. talking, hanging out, playing games... but then taking the time to sit down and have a more organized talk. With maybe a leader, but everyone involved in the conversation. You wouldn't have to talk if you didn't want to. You wouldn't have to change anything. But even more than this- it would be a place that you could come to knowing that you would be accepted and loved no matter what you've done, no matter what you look like. a place where it was safe to tell things from the depths of your heart. A place to show your scars and a place to sing your guts out if you need to. a place that was real. where people actually cared. You could show up in your sweat pants- they wouldn't care. and it wouldn't stop after church- you were friends and did thing together any day anywhere. A place that you wouldn't feel the need to change to attend.

yes christ died for us when we're still sinners. you don't need to change for him. and those who are trying to follow his example shouldn't give that image. but often they do. sometimes they don't... but it's so hard to step out and say 'hey this is my heart'

maybe you're a drug addict.
maybe you cut.
maybe you're an alcoholic
maybe you cry yourself to sleep every night.
maybe you feel alone.
maybe you've killed someone.
maybe you watch porn, you masturbate.. you're a sex addict.
maybe you feel overwhelmed.
maybe you've hurt someone you love.
maybe you're pregnant.
maybe you've had an abortion.
maybe you are beaten by someone you once loved.
maybe you're suicidal.
maybe you just want a friend.
maybe you're the only one.
maybe you dreaming of the 'right gal/guy'
maybe you just want attention.
maybe you've stolen.
maybe you're gay.
maybe you just want to be accepted.
maybe your loved one died.
maybe you're a liar.
maybe you're not honest with yourself.
maybe you've given in.
maybe all of this, maybe a million times more.
maybe, maybe, maybe.

maybe you're a girl and that's something only guys do.
maybe you're a guy and it's something that only girls do.
maybe you're supposed to be perfect- you grew up a goody-goody.
maybe you've been there all your life.

this is who the church is meant for.

so why don't we design our churches to reach out for these type of people?
there's so much hurt out there.. so much pain.
their hearts, our hearts- they're screaming.
they want to be answered.
we need to stop the bleeding.

i wish i knew what all this meant. i wish i could change the world. i wish that this blog wasn't so choppy. i wish that this blog could do it all. i wish i could touch your heart. i wish that people didn't feel like they had to hide.

i hide. i'm covering it all up. i care more about my image than i do being open and honest with others... i need to change. but i'm scared.. i have to choose between what i have now versus what i could have. i need to let go of all that i hold.. but it's scary.

but i need it.

you need it.