Driving, Old peeps, Sincerity, and Insecurity

Alice just started driving.. and Alice, i'm sure you'll do fine. :) I've been driving for 6.5 months now.. and failed my first driving test! wooh! oh well.. it's okay. i don't think i'm really ready to drive on my own yet anyways.. so it's good i failed. it is what i deserved.

On sunday i got to lead a few songs of worship for a small group of elderly folks.. and honestly it was fun. :) i really enjoyed being able to do that with them and the looseness of it all. It doesn't need to be perfect for them. I mean we shouldn't take it too lightly, but i was not under pressure which allowed me to feel more confident.

i'm starting to ramble already.. haha.. but i think sometimes that is just sort of my writing style.. which brings me to my next point.. i read a blog recently and i really related to what the author was talking about.. When you write things like blogs sometimes you can feel very insecure and pressured to write a good blog.. you may start to compare yours to others and how good theirs are and how bad yours is... but the blogs that we often enjoy the most are when the writer is just being themselves and not trying to make theirs like somebody elses. This obviously applies to lots of parts of life... but i thought that was interesting.. so i'm trying write now to just write my thoughts down and not really try to write in any certain way (which is leaving this unorganized, in all lower-case, and in many broken little fragments)

then today my one teacher went off on a random side rant... and he was saying something along the idea that a lot of people teach themselves that they can't do something.. he had a fancy phrase for this, but i do not remember it.. but it's basically like when he started learning French.. he wasn't the most confident, but whenever he messed up the teacher would end up making him feel stupid and embarrass him because he made these mistakes. ..and then he came to the belief that he could NOT do it.. and from then on he struggled with French and didn't really try because he 'could not do it'. I think a lot of people teach themselves stuff similar to that.. I can't play sports. I don't think a teacher made fun of me, but when i was younger i was always looking for acceptance and trying to please people.. i was also wondering what people thought of me.. and i think that had a huge impact on all my insecurities today.. Most the things i feel like i can't do, i probably can if i really try, put effort into it, and believe in myself.

So.. i don't know where i was going with all that.. but i feel that is enough for now.