I don't think I believe in love.

I'm not sure I even know exactly what I mean by this. I can't see myself ever really 'falling in love' with another person- where it is mutual. Though this may be the 'love' I'm thinking of it's not really love at all. But how does one even go about falling in love anyways? It's all so awkward to me. I feel like I've prepared myself to remain single for the rest of my life and anything that goes away from that is out of the norm. I think I could remain single for the rest of my life. If I mentioned this to a friend they would probably disagree with me.. telling me how cute my kids will be.. But really. I don't need to get married and I don't need to have kids. Marriage is horrifying. It's like a lifelong contract with one person. You're like stuck with them as they are stuck with you. I'm terrified of having kids because I don't want them to be like me.

but i do believe in some kind of love. It just can be hard to see in this world. You have to look for it. It is there.