Minds

I am really tired of closed mindedness.
I am tired of people hating on Christianity when they've only glimpsed it. if even that.
I am tired of how they talk about how closed minded Christians are, when in thinking that, they themselves are being closed minded.

and they don't see it.
it's just "cool" to hate Christianity. and yes, I know. Christianity has it's faults. I don't love the religion myself but I have been loved in the Church and I am convinced God is in these great friends I've grown up around.

I call myself a Christian. I believe Jesus is the Son of God and he rose from the grave. I'm not sure I believe he's coming again (literally anyway) but only because I have never taken the time to study that particular belief myself and I didn't even know Christians believed that until a couple years ago... (ha..ha..)
But labels aren't what matter. Sometimes I hesitate to call myself a Christian because of what I know others will automatically assume when that word is uttered. I don't think that's wrong. Is it wrong?

I have made new friends this year and experienced new things. And it just frustrates me how black and white people think things are. How "right" people think they are and how "wrong" everyone else is.

I hope I can represent the God I know in my daily life and help change the way people see Jesus and His people.

2 posts from me in less than 12 hours?!?! wowzaa

Stress

I really hate stress.

So I've been playing piano for 11ish years.
And I kind of suck.
but I want to get better. so that counts for something, right? and in order for me to get better..
i need to get a scholarship.
at this really expensive music school.

last time i got $200.
for 1 semester, it costs maybe $1000ish. I don't really know.
but $200 wasn't much.

so this time, I have a better repertoire and I definitely care more.
but it just stresses me out so much. I'm not prepared. I'm no where near being done with my pieces. And auditions are in April. That's maybe 2 months.

and I find myself thinking about it all the time and my mom mentions it to me almost every day...
but i rarely practice.
maybe i should make a scheduled time daily for piano.
ha ha ha.

maybe i should take this more seriously. yes..

I suppose stress has it's pros. It forces me to get stuff done. Kind of.

anyway. I should stop complaining and go practice so more. ehh.

okay, fine i'm going.....

Driving, Old peeps, Sincerity, and Insecurity

Alice just started driving.. and Alice, i'm sure you'll do fine. :) I've been driving for 6.5 months now.. and failed my first driving test! wooh! oh well.. it's okay. i don't think i'm really ready to drive on my own yet anyways.. so it's good i failed. it is what i deserved.

On sunday i got to lead a few songs of worship for a small group of elderly folks.. and honestly it was fun. :) i really enjoyed being able to do that with them and the looseness of it all. It doesn't need to be perfect for them. I mean we shouldn't take it too lightly, but i was not under pressure which allowed me to feel more confident.

i'm starting to ramble already.. haha.. but i think sometimes that is just sort of my writing style.. which brings me to my next point.. i read a blog recently and i really related to what the author was talking about.. When you write things like blogs sometimes you can feel very insecure and pressured to write a good blog.. you may start to compare yours to others and how good theirs are and how bad yours is... but the blogs that we often enjoy the most are when the writer is just being themselves and not trying to make theirs like somebody elses. This obviously applies to lots of parts of life... but i thought that was interesting.. so i'm trying write now to just write my thoughts down and not really try to write in any certain way (which is leaving this unorganized, in all lower-case, and in many broken little fragments)

then today my one teacher went off on a random side rant... and he was saying something along the idea that a lot of people teach themselves that they can't do something.. he had a fancy phrase for this, but i do not remember it.. but it's basically like when he started learning French.. he wasn't the most confident, but whenever he messed up the teacher would end up making him feel stupid and embarrass him because he made these mistakes. ..and then he came to the belief that he could NOT do it.. and from then on he struggled with French and didn't really try because he 'could not do it'. I think a lot of people teach themselves stuff similar to that.. I can't play sports. I don't think a teacher made fun of me, but when i was younger i was always looking for acceptance and trying to please people.. i was also wondering what people thought of me.. and i think that had a huge impact on all my insecurities today.. Most the things i feel like i can't do, i probably can if i really try, put effort into it, and believe in myself.

So.. i don't know where i was going with all that.. but i feel that is enough for now.

driver's ed=hell. srzly. DONT TAKE IT!!!

Hi guys.
music makes me happy
and friends make me happy
pretzel thins and hummus are pretty great too.

umm
i'm going driving
for the first time ever
in less than an hour
i
am
so
very
scared.

:/

umm
in case i die
i love you all!

hahaha.