So. I went with my church today to go to a homeless church and serve food to some homeless people. It was fun. I enjoy doing this kind of stuff. But it just bothers me that we just serve food and go. This time there were like over 100 people, so the whole time, I just stood there and said, "Green beans?" like 200x and smiled and passed the plate on. Then we wiped the tables and left. I mean, I did have like a couple 1 minute conversations with some people but that was it. And I just left. I felt nothing. I didn't even realize it until later. How could I just leave?
But what else can I do? I mean, I wanted to give them all my clothes and money (although that would not be much) and everything i had and offer them a place to stay, but it's not like that's a realistic thing to do. I mean, we go there and everyone is so cautious. We have to use the restroom in pairs and never go anywhere alone. And I understand that, and if I were the person in charge of everyone, I would probably do the same, but I feel like that's such a judgmental thing to do. I mean, when you are just with people in like, a mall, you aren't like that. It's like, we say everyone is equal and we should treat everyone the same, but that isn't realistic. You wouldn't treat a 3 year old the same way you treat a 20 year old. Is that different when applied to a homeless person vs. someone middle class?
random fact: one person had a twloha shirt on. that was cool.
I feel so ignorant leaving there with knowledge that most of them will not have a warm place to sleep tonight and most of them will have to go to another kitchen for food the next day. that most of them have such love and wisdom in them, yet they are left neglected on street corners while I sit in my home and eat food that i never have to worry about. While I complain to my friends about how bored I am, about how I don't have the camera I want or how I have no good food left although I have 2 filled refrigerators and a packed pantry full of random crap i have the luxury of buying and forgetting about. And I know these are such typical things to say, but they are true.
And I just realized all this is so selfish of me. I want to do something so that I can live with myself. Everything I do is to make me feel better. To benefit myself. I was watching Friends the other day (I was bored) and in it, they said there is no such thing as a selfless good deed. And at the time, I didn't think it was true, but now...maybe for us who are so used to having our lives revolve around us, there is no such thing. What could I really do to help them? Is it even possible? Maybe serving food is the most we can do, seeing as it shows that we care.
Do you think every single person on this planet has a chance to make something of themselves? All the homeless people out there...do you think they got there because they made a bad choice sometime in their life? Or is that just the way life is? I've always thought everyone had equal opportunity. That everyone had the same chances...maybe that is just the result of living in America. More specifically rich suburbs of America. And their children...the children who are just born into that life..do you think everyone really has an equal opportunity to succeed (in whatever sense success means to them)? I mean, it is America. The land of opportunity. I was wiping the tables and I overheard these 2 guys talking to a little boy and telling him not to listen to his friends and to make something of his life. Maybe he is lucky. People have told me the same thing, but these people seemed to really care. He has a home, even if it isn't an actual house.
PS: listen to Jesus' Blood-Oceans Above.
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6 comments:
mm..I know how you feel. And typical thoughts or not they're good ones to have.
You have a good point Alice, especially about equal opportunity. I've listened to a lot of people talk about how the american dream (which centers a lot around the idea of equal opportunity and people being able to 'make it' if they work hard enough) isn't actually attainable. The idea that it's just something we've grown up hearing and believing but it's not true. I don't know. I want to say yes, everyone has equal opportunity but that the same time I want to say no. I'm not sure. I'm not sure that it really matters. I think what counts is what we do with what we have. Be that a hummer and a big fancy house with everything you could ever want, or the backseat of a beat up car.
yeah. i suppose you're right. i dunno. i just need to think.
I'm not sure I'm entirely right or right at all, that was just my thought I ran into while thinking about it. :)
you know i've been thinking if people are equal and i think (for now) that no, we're not. i was watching penelope when i started thinking about this because in the movie she's talking about whether everyone is equal because she was born with a pig nose. but when i started thinking if people really are equal i first said yeah sure we are, god made use all equal, we are all loved by him, why won't we all be equal? but then i started thinking about my life, i started thinking about how lucky i am. i started thinking about all the things i have and the loving parents and sibling i have. i'm truly blessed. but then you see on the news or you meet someone who has nothing, their parents abuse them, they're pretty much on their own.
i was going to go on this long rant about how i meet someone the other day. lets just say if you compared her and i together you'd say what has the world been thinking, no one is equal. she has it pretty hard from what she told me. i only talked to her for a hour if that but from what we talked about she has it hard.
well i'm going crazy i think because i can't think any longer. maybe i'll think more about this and post something else later. that's just what i've scraped up to start with :D
hmm, yeah, good thoughts lizzy. that's cool you could talk to that girl and learn her story. i wish i could do more of that.
anyways, thanks for sharing.
"But it just bothers me that we just serve food and go." the same thoughts have going through my head. ...i think of in church.. i know a good number of people. but most of them i don't go beyond a certain point in relationship with. i really don't know them. and i think it's a two sided thing: it's both me and them. but there's a certain safety in not knowing more.. if we allow ourselves to open up, we can get closer, but we are also more of a chance of being hurt, we are more vulnerable. we can also gain responsibility. and i think that it also applies to helping people.. if we know there problems or we spend more time there then we might be resposible or we might feel like we need to help them or get caught up in some big mess.
as for the equal deal. i believe we are created equal... that doesn't mean we are given in equal shot at life. no. those are two different things.
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