An excerpt from an email I just wrote

So. I went with my church today to go to a homeless church and serve food to some homeless people. It was fun. I enjoy doing this kind of stuff. But it just bothers me that we just serve food and go. This time there were like over 100 people, so the whole time, I just stood there and said, "Green beans?" like 200x and smiled and passed the plate on. Then we wiped the tables and left. I mean, I did have like a couple 1 minute conversations with some people but that was it. And I just left. I felt nothing. I didn't even realize it until later. How could I just leave?
But what else can I do? I mean, I wanted to give them all my clothes and money (although that would not be much) and everything i had and offer them a place to stay, but it's not like that's a realistic thing to do. I mean, we go there and everyone is so cautious. We have to use the restroom in pairs and never go anywhere alone. And I understand that, and if I were the person in charge of everyone, I would probably do the same, but I feel like that's such a judgmental thing to do. I mean, when you are just with people in like, a mall, you aren't like that. It's like, we say everyone is equal and we should treat everyone the same, but that isn't realistic. You wouldn't treat a 3 year old the same way you treat a 20 year old. Is that different when applied to a homeless person vs. someone middle class?

random fact: one person had a twloha shirt on. that was cool.

I feel so ignorant leaving there with knowledge that most of them will not have a warm place to sleep tonight and most of them will have to go to another kitchen for food the next day. that most of them have such love and wisdom in them, yet they are left neglected on street corners while I sit in my home and eat food that i never have to worry about. While I complain to my friends about how bored I am, about how I don't have the camera I want or how I have no good food left although I have 2 filled refrigerators and a packed pantry full of random crap i have the luxury of buying and forgetting about. And I know these are such typical things to say, but they are true.
And I just realized all this is so selfish of me. I want to do something so that I can live with myself. Everything I do is to make me feel better. To benefit myself. I was watching Friends the other day (I was bored) and in it, they said there is no such thing as a selfless good deed. And at the time, I didn't think it was true, but now...maybe for us who are so used to having our lives revolve around us, there is no such thing. What could I really do to help them? Is it even possible? Maybe serving food is the most we can do, seeing as it shows that we care.

Do you think every single person on this planet has a chance to make something of themselves? All the homeless people out there...do you think they got there because they made a bad choice sometime in their life? Or is that just the way life is? I've always thought everyone had equal opportunity. That everyone had the same chances...maybe that is just the result of living in America. More specifically rich suburbs of America. And their children...the children who are just born into that life..do you think everyone really has an equal opportunity to succeed (in whatever sense success means to them)? I mean, it is America. The land of opportunity. I was wiping the tables and I overheard these 2 guys talking to a little boy and telling him not to listen to his friends and to make something of his life. Maybe he is lucky. People have told me the same thing, but these people seemed to really care. He has a home, even if it isn't an actual house.

PS: listen to Jesus' Blood-Oceans Above.

How Are You?

How are you guys? I don't know who reads this thing anymore..probably no one since we are kind of slow in updating..but if you do, comment this and let us know how you are doing!

i am inspired

This man inspires me. I've been interested in photography for a while. I've been interested in music my whole life. This guy does both. I don't want to become a real pro photographer or anything, but I want to be a good one. I am inspired to buy a real nice professional camera and gain knowledge about such things. It'll take a while, but it'll happen.

In the meantime...I will focus on my music. Perhaps I will take up guitar again. It's been too long. I joined this little guitar class thing at rocketown for 2 days. I felt like such a loser. I didn't remember like, anything. Not that I really ever knew much. Anyways...time to get things done.

see ya.

indifference

i used to care so much. but now i don't. i don't know why. maybe it's because it's been so long since i've had a real, deep discussion that really challenged me. but i just don't want to think anymore. i don't want to talk about the difference between me and God.

maybe it's time i live it instead of just talking about it.

I LOVE

URBAN OUTFITTERS AND PAPER ROUTE.

that's all I have to say.

"All Creation Sings to You"

A music festival with heavy metal, punk, hip-hop and pop music might seem
like an unusual place to get baptized, but Creation is a festival with strict
rules: no alcohol, no drugs and no sex before marriage.

"It's like the Christian version of Woodstock, basically, except it's
neat and clean," said Victor Gibson, 37, from Manheim, Pennsylvania, who brought
his wife and five children aged from five to 14 to the four-day festival.

"Take a look back at the crowd," he said, as thousands of fans held
their arms in the air, pounding out the beat of a song by Christian band
Kutless, whose sound Gibson likened to Metallica. "No rioting, no fighting,
nobody getting beat up."

Lily Ellerson, a 12-year-old from Maryland, was one of nearly 200
people who were baptized in a pond on the final day of Creation, which drew
around 70,000 people in late June.

Ellerson said she decided to be baptized after hearing a speaker at one
of the side-events at the festival.

"I felt God was there," Ellerson said. "I could just see him, I could
feel him all around me, and I thought I wanted to give my full heart to
him."

Ellerson came with a church youth group of 47 people, including her
cousin Emily White, who volunteers at the church.

"You really do feel like, wow, we are in the Kingdom right now and
right here," White said. "You're living in a community of 70,000 people, without
the benefit of electricity or water, yet everybody loves each other, you don't
hear about things being stolen or fights.

"We really are living the way God made us to live."

One in four Americans count themselves as evangelical Protestants, a
growing movement with serious clout in a country where religion and politics
often mix. Creation is officially non-denominational and it drew some Catholics,
but the rhetoric of most speakers was that of "born again" Christians.

GOD IS "SMILING"
The highlight of the festival for some was the
baptism.

Barefoot and wearing shorts and tee-shirts, they waded thigh-deep into
the pond to be dunked by pastors who prayed with them, then submerged them
entirely in the water, cheered on by hundreds of emotional family members and
friends.

"Can you imagine God smiling right now?" one woman said as she
watched.

Now in its 30th year and growing bigger every year, the festival is in
many ways like any secular summer music festival -- thousands of young people
camping out, getting muddy in the rain and eagerly hunting down their heroes for
autographs.

But these music fans wore T-shirts with slogans such as "Virginity
Rocks" and "Mosh for Jesus," the dress code encouraged modesty and some friendly
fans stood around offering free hugs to passersby.

And unlike other rock festivals there was a curfew and alcohol and
drugs were strictly off limits.
Between the music, teenagers and students
attended seminars on abortion, on "Success God's Way" and one called
"BeYOUtiful" for young girls.

Matthew Benjamin appealed to one group to help spread the word of Jesus
to students in China. He urged volunteers to step forward and release brightly
colored balloons as a symbol of their pledge to give a year of their lives to
mission work.

Despite touching on some serious topics, the tone of the festival was
more celebration than sermon.

Digressing during a talk urging people to sponsor children in
developing countries, inspirational speaker Bob Lenz said he had five children,
adding: "We like how they're made."

"Sex is beautiful when it's in marriage," he said, provoking laughs.
"It's what God has designed, it's awesome, it's time to take it back and say
'God is not a killjoy."'

MUSIC WITH MESSAGE
Gibson, a father of five and one of few African
Americans in a largely white crowd, said he preferred hip-hop but he was happily
singing along to Kutless. "Music makes you feel something but the end goal is to
lead you to God," he said.

"What's important is the message behind the music."

Kutless guitarist James Meade, 25, said he was saved by Jesus after
years of being abused as a child, spending time in jail for dealing drugs and
nearly dying of alcohol poisoning on his 17th birthday.

"We're five individual guys who have really experienced what the Bible
and what the Gospel talks about in meeting Jesus Christ personally," Meade said
in an interview. "It's not just music for the sake of art."

Much of the music spoke more directly about God.

Group 1 Crew sang a song called "Forgive Me" that was like a hip-hop
version of Psalm 23, including the words "Though I walk through the valley of
the shadow of death." Chris Tomlin had a crowd of around 30,000 singing along to
his version of "Amazing Grace."

"A lady just came up to me about an hour ago, she said 'You know, I
really don't like this music much, but I know it's good for the kids, I see the
way they relate to it,"' festival founder Harry Thomas said in an interview.

there was another paragraph or two.. but i thought it was a rather lame way to end the article.
but i really just felt like shouting an amen after reading this: "You really do feel like, wow, we are in the Kingdom right now and right here," White said. "You're living in a community of 70,000 people, without the benefit of electricity or water, yet everybody loves each other, you don't hear about things being stolen or fights.
"We really are living the way God made us to live."

it's so beautiful. so many people gathered together to have a good time, to hear some good tunes, some good messages, and to return home a different person. you look around and you really feel like this could be a city. that this could be your home. i honestly think it would be beautiful to be able to live at a setting at creation for a year. it's weird. i don't know i can explain it. :)

Love Affair

Fell past a cheekbone hill
To a piece of her floor
The hope of the world
in an awkward spill
-Copeland

beautiful. love it.