wanting silence.

Even with the music paused it’s hard to escape all the sounds. They are everywhere. There is no true silence.

I dream of a world where I could experience silence sometimes. The only sounds would be the blood flowing throughout my body, the air moving in and out of my lungs, and the sound of my thoughts. I also wonder what it would be like to be completely without thought.

Sorry don’t mean to be turning all Monk on y’all.. lol

But nothing of this world in itself brings lasting satisfaction… not basketball games, not birthday parties, not school, not clothes, not a job, not technology, not first place ribbons for school hug special school projects, not a boyfriend- nothing.

I have seen/experienced (or will be very shortly) all these things in the past week… but none of them bring satisfaction.. it is just noise.

I want to get beyond the noise. It is so distracting and end up messing up all of my priorities.. I have such a hard time getting it all right.

I mess it up all the time...

So I encourage you to take 5 minutes, 20 minutes, an hour, maybe more.. to have quiet time this weekend. it's something i want to try to do. I am going to do it (these types of sites are great for accountability.. lol)

I want silence.

I am happy with myself.

I'm reading "The Gnostic Gospels"-Elaine Pagels. It's really interesting so far. I'm listening to the Once soundtrack right now. Good stuff.
I suppose I will make this post my reply to the comments in the first post.

I was thinking today, and I realized "change begins with you". Not that I had never thought of that before, but I realized it said "change begins with you". You. Not your mom, not your friend, not Jesus. You. No one can make you do anything. No one can force you to do anything. You must do it yourself. Change begins with you. So don't wait for God to make something happen. Nothing will happen if you just sit and wait for a god to come.
Maybe the Gnostics are right about that. Look at the deepest part of yourself, and there, you will find God.
Maybe I've been looking for the wrong things. I've been looking for some outer source of good, of change, of love, of something, of anything. But maybe that's not how God works. Panentheism. I agree with it, but I don't think I really realized what it really meant until now. God is in everything. And maybe that's how he works in the world. I don't need to look for something out of the ordinary, I just need to look to you. To me. To every single person I see today. And I will find God there.
To my teacher who seemed genuinely worried for my surgery. To my friend who says she's gonna get me all this stuff to make my hospital stay nice (haha). To my mom who made breakfast for me (eggs, I probably won't be able to eat them after my surgery).
God is in you. God moves through you (love this song).

Wow, this is great.
So Kelsey, maybe those friendships of yours that got you through those times were God. Maybe human love and support is God.

anyways, I suppose I should 'cross into reality' and make these thoughts real.
What are your thoughts? Agree? Disagree?

a new beginning

So, first post. Awkward? Haha..
Well, I don't know if anyone will ever read any of this, or if it'll just be my and Chrissy's way of getting stuff out. We'll just have to see.
But I'll pretend for now.

The title to this blog is 'crossing into reality'. This came from the Bright Eyes song "Nothing Gets Crossed Out". Part of what that song means to me is how we all keep planning to do all these things and never actually do them. Whether it's because of fear, bad memories, laziness, or just forgetting, whatever, nothing ever gets crossed out. And this is something I find myself doing over and over and over again. It's happened today, even. I never do what I promise myself I will do. So this blog is for our dreams and making them reality. For our fears, and facing them. For our troubles, our envies, our sorrows, our lives, our crap. And just getting it out of us.

So when I'm lost in a crowd, I hope that you'll pick me out
I long to be found, the grass grew high, I laid down
Now I'll wait for a hand to lift me up, help me stand
I've been laying so long, don't wanna lay here no more
Don't wanna lay here no more, don't wanna lay here no more

Everything that happens is supposed to be
And it's all pre-determined, can't change your destiny
Guess I'll just keep moving, someday maybe
I'll get to where I'm going

Here's to a new beginning.

ps: see comments for more.